Once upon a time there was a tiny turtle named Tortos that fell through a crack in the world. He fell down down down through dark stone until he landed with a terrible smack! His beautiful shell cracked, and he cried to lose such loveliness.
"Oh ho!" came a voice behind him, deep and crackling with power. The little turtle turned to find the great emperor Lei Shin behind him, electricity leaping up and down his body. "Why do you cry?"
"My shell, my beautiful shell, it is broken!" the turtle cried sorrowfully.
Lei Shin snorted in disgust. "Your love of beauty is a weakness! However, I will do you a boon in exchange for a favor. I will heal you and mend your broken shell, but you must do what I ask of you."
Tortos snuffled and sighed but nodded, his shell worth whatever the mogu would ask of him. The emperor smiled, and lightning shot from his fingertips. Good to his word, the cracks in the shell mended seamlessly and the little turtle exclaimed in glee.
But what was this? He couldn't move? Electricity glowed around him, and he grew larger and larger until he filled the entire cavern! He was stuck!
Lei Shin let out a booming laugh. "There, my new pet, you are mended and now you serve ME! Let no one past you or it will be more than your shell that cracks."
The little turtle (that was no longer so little) cried and strained and heaved, but could not move. Resigned, he did as the mogu bid him, and protected the cavern from intruders.
And then, one day a different group came in. They were strong! Tortos killed them numerous times, but they kept coming back! Panicked, he sent more and more of his offspring against him, calling them faster and faster. He slammed his front legs and knocked stalactites from the ceiling, but they were dodged (most of the time). He took deep breaths and tried to breathe stone at them, but they grew wise and used the shells of his very children to knock the air from his lungs.
He called the bats but they were kept busy - the slows were endless! But each time they caught the curious blue goat-like creature and decimated him before destroying the rest. Tortos relaxed, surely they would never best him.
They came back, and the goat-man blew a howling icy blast onto the bats. Tortos felt death come for him.
"No!" he cried, and shattered into pieces, his beautiful shell dust on the ground.
The group stood around his fallen body, cheering. Suddenly, one turned to the goat-man.
"Seriously, why the hell weren't you frost before we wiped for three hours?"
Story by Gneisha, Bringer Back of Sexy